FANCY a weekend jaunt where you won’t have to sit near a human turd or a mountain of empty two-litre cider bottles? Try these spots.
A £10 note that has been in a man’s wallet since March this year is wondering what the f**k is going on out there.
TEMPTED to ignore your moral compass and visit Wetherspoons when it reopens? Come to your senses with these reminders.
WHATSAPP messages racing around the country are advertising an illegal rave at Chequers, the country home of the prime minister, this evening.
BRITONS are being urged to hand over jeans they can no longer fit into after spending lockdown eating constantly and barely moving.
ENVIRONMENTAL campaigner Greta Thunberg is to spend summer touring Europe in an ice cream van ladling warm cream into your cupped hands for £7.
A FATHER-OF-TWO is becoming increasingly interested in rap music despite opposition from all members of his household.
THAT sound is a vibrator, and you are listening to your housemate get her rocks off. Here's five other things that unmistakeable noise could be if you try very hard to convince yourself.
NORTHERNERS are enjoying the scenes at Bournemouth beach that prove once and for all that Southerners are just scum with fancy accents.
1990s nostalgia is increasingly popular, but maybe it’s best if we forgot altogether about the decade that gave us Steps and Jelly Shoes. Here are some very good reasons.
A HEATWAVE in Britain guarantees inane conversations about the weather. Here are some things to say to help you join in.
AS restrictions are lifted, the terrifying prospect of returning to normal gets ever more real. Here are some simple things you’ve probably forgotten how to do forever.
A MAN who has been fired nine times in a row for incompetence and dodgy dealings is applying to be a Conservative MP.
A SELF-SATISFIED jogger has just smashed their personal best at being an all-round insufferable bastard, it has emerged.
IT’S unbearably hot, anything you do might kill you and a malevolent clown is gambling with your life and future. Is it Britain or Hell? Find out with our fun quiz.
IF you spend even a small amount of time online, you’ll find people throwing around bum-clenchingly lame insults they think are riotously funny. Here are the worst.
A WOMAN is idiotically wasting a large chunk of her life rereading emails and WhatsApp messages the moment she has sent them.
A MAN asked to explain what the phrase ‘white lives matter’ means was unable to give any explanation that was not bullshit.
AN overweight man has been spotted showing off his curvaceous assets in the park, it has emerged.
WITH lockdown restrictions easing, you might be confused as to what you can do and can’t. Here are the government’s hastily cobbled-together plans explained.